‘There’s no time to live your life for people that don’t care about you.’ : NUUXS

By: Nikou Jahanshahi Alemi

‘We had no contact with the outside world.’ ‘We weren’t allowed to listen to music.’ ‘When I eventually left at the age of fifteen, I didn’t really know anything about anything’. Words from NUUXS, an up-and-coming artist, on her experience growing up in a cult. I spoke to NUUXS this week ahead of the release of her new mixtape Red Tape Vol.2. We discussed her early life, music as a healing process, her aims, and her recently released mixtape and single.

In her own words: ‘Where do I start?’. To begin, NUUXS laid out that she had grown up in Hackney with her single mum, her brother and her sister, describing it as ‘as tough as it can be when you’re sort of struggling with life.’ Her mum then moved them to the rural north and remarried a very religious guy who bound them into a Christian cult when she was ten years old.

NUUXS told me that growing up in a cult was weird because she had previously known a ‘normal’ childhood. She was not allowed to stay in contact with any friends or family, not even her dad. NUUXS explained that her new stepdad changed all their numbers and they had moved to lots of different places so no one could find them. She was home-schooled for a while and then eventually was allowed to go to school, but even then, she had to do bible study alone in the library instead of playtime. When asked to describe her life in the cult she explained that because it was a very small community her stepdad was able to take control of everything. Being cut off from the outside world meant that when NUUXS finally left the cult she felt she didn’t know anything about pop-culture and she told me that ‘I always thought in the back of my head that the devil was going to get me’.

I asked if this experience had left any long-lasting effects on her life, she responded that she used to be really anti-Christian, but that this has changed with time and healing. She thought that she never wanted to step into a church ever again but says that she has grown. Now she sees it as ‘just all about people and who you are as an individual.’ She came to the conclusion that if she had carried on blaming a certain ‘thing’ rather than a person she would become just like her stepdad.

On the topic of her stepdad, she said it was ‘weird’ as he sometimes he would be really nice and so there’s a part of her that still loves him as a father. ‘You look up to an adult as someone you trust and care about and obviously there were times that he cared about us and loved us and then other times…’ She told me it was tough to get out of it, as there was a lot of mental abuse and difficulty, but that eventually she started asking questions and then finally ran away. She concludes that growing up in a cult was an experience. ‘It’s just my story I guess it’s made me who I am today’.

We discussed whether she had a reactionary response to the years of musical absence in her life. She explains that before the cult she used to listen to a lot of J. Lo and Gwen Stefani and movie soundtracks. She revealed that Tarantino was a big influence. ‘I was just inspired by everything really and then when I got back into music when I left the cult I learnt from a lot of session players so I got into bands and they’d teach me all about jazz and funk and I was just like oh my god I can’t believe I don’t know any of this. You know a lot of people thought I was joking when I didn’t know who, I don’t know, Aretha Franklin was. And I’m like I’m serious I don’t know who she is. In a way it’s been fun learning at a later stage I guess.’

When asked about what genre she would place her own music into she replied ‘I’d definitely place my stuff into pop for sure. My earlier stuff is more piano and dark base. I think I was going through a healing process through those songs.’ She went on to note that ‘because I learnt about music a bit later in life, I’ve just got a different quirk to the way I do things, I guess.’

Touching on music as a means of healing, she said that ‘a lot of my songs are based on my own experiences some of them are based on friends’ experiences, so I try to write from the heart as much as possible. When I felt like I couldn’t speak about things I’d find myself understanding what the artist meant by listening to their lyrics and I thought if I can give that to someone else then that’d be my job done.’

Her new mixtape Red Tape Vol.2 launched on Friday, August 31st, and her single last Wednesday. ‘I was up until just after midnight waiting for the single to come out. I’m really so excited about this song and for everyone to hear the whole of the mixtape together. I didn’t want it to be an album because I felt I was still experimenting with my sound but, it’s definitely the lead up to my first album so I’m really excited.’

She broke down where she was physically and mentally while writing her singles. ‘The first single No Good For Me is basically about me cutting toxic people out of my life and I think that’s how the rest of Red Tape Vol.2 came about. So many times, you just put up with things and you just think what am I putting up with all this rubbish for? The anthem of Red Tape Vol.2 is about just having fun, being you and doing what you need to do. Not just me personally but everyone in general.’ On her single Options she explained that it’s about having options no matter what. ‘There’s been times that I couldn’t get out of bed feeling so down you just think you’re never gonna get out of that place, and then you do.’ Lastly, Alive ‘is about celebrating yourself’ thus concluding a process of struggle and healing with a message of hope.

To the reader and listener, she wanted to convey, without sounding preachy, that ‘the only person who’s actually gonna make you feel the best is yourself so you’ve got to be willing to change certain aspects of your life to get to that point. I still do that every single day.’ ‘When you love yourself the rest of the world will love you too, and even if they don’t at least you have yourself.’

So, what’s next for NUUXS? ‘I wanna get back into the studio and finish this album project I’ve had in my mind for a while which I’m really excited about. But I also have lots of gigs coming up and I wanna do some more shows up and around the country and in Europe for now, and then see where it goes from there really.’ Stay tuned for more music on the way from this absolutely delightful artist!

NUUXS’ mixtape Red Tape Vol.2 is out now. Listen here: https://listnin.co/RedTapeVol2.